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Ryan

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Back home [05 Dec 2004|09:40pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

So Im home....sore like always.
It was alot of fun. I met a million people, mostly vets. I guess marching experience does make all the difference through others' eyes. It was a nice ass kicking but it was fun. Im so stupid for bringing my euphonium though but there were only 2 other people who had euphs besides me and wow.....they died.

Im confused to all sorts of hell with what I was told in my auditions. I played my solo amazingly awesome, but on my articulate excercise I fucked up and I didnt even get to finish it. So he asked how long I had that excercise and I told him the truth....I only had that thing for maybe half a day and I played it like shit. So his comments were that my tone and intonation were amazing and can see that Im a very good player, but said that next time to be just more prepared.
So was his comment a good or bad comment? It seems good but it could also mean bad because I wasnt prepared.

Same thing in my marching audition....Ive never marched straight leg except on backwards marching (but I havent done that in nearly 2 years) so this was a big change for me. So I tried to march their style as best I could but I made sure that my upper body didnt go unnoticed. So the visual guys gave me an overview on 1 thing, the style fowards. They said everything was fine except for the fowards had more of a bent knee then what they want. So explained that Ive never marched that way in the past 5 years and they understood. They also said they like how I could hold that beast of a horn and look solid and said that atleast they wont have to worry about me holding the horn (especialy the new King's which will be lighter then the Dynasty horns they previously used). They told me go to the website and there is a 12 page manual on how the technique works and yada yada yada. After that they told me if I get that down by next camp then I should be all set.
Now does that mean I probably have a spot? Maybe Im just over analyzing everything they say....I really want to make it but I just have this feeling in my gut that says I wont. It's hard but I fought everyday to be better then the guy next to me. There were alot of "good" players but they couldnt hold the damn horn. Most of them were holding those crappy Yamaha baritones for crying out loud. Oh well, alot of the vets in the baritone line seemed to like me and liked how I didnt pull that "ow my arms hurt im going to fake emptying my spit" shit. We all got our ass beat, especially in visual....bad.

So anyway, Ive got to be up for work at 5am so I shall go get some sleep. If I think of something else I left out then I'll just edit it in later.

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[30 Nov 2004|08:54pm]
Ok, let me make this clear for all who have a problem....
Yes I work every fucking day. No, I dont have time for you. Why dont you wake up at 4:30am, spend 11-14 hours at work, 5-6 days a week and then come home and have to spend the rest of your non-exsistant time on school work. Now you tell me how fucking happy you will be. I dont want to hear one more fucking person bitch at me for that shit. I dont have time for a girlfriend, doesnt matter what you tell me or what you promise. I dont have time to play your stupid lil 20 questions game. I dont even have enough time to get a decent nights sleep.

The point is: I dont have the fucking time.

Please dont make me bitch again, I hate sounding like Im in panic mode. But I really dont have time for your shit. I have enough of my own.


On another note, Boston tryouts are in 3 days.

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So confused [11 Nov 2004|10:52am]
[ mood | confused ]

Cant march Phantom Regiment cuz of money and audition music problems, dont want to march Spirit again because I want to move up, so I think Im gonna go for Boston Crusaders. Sorry if you hate me for this but I want to march and they're the easiest for me to tryout for. I think it'll be a nice change to see a different side I normally would never go look to see. I will edit this and update later but right now Im going to Steve's.

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Been thinking [08 Oct 2004|11:02am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Im going to update when I get home. Im not happy nor do I think I will ever be. I found out some info the other day that shows severe signs of depression. Like how I always sleep during the day and stay up at night/early morning. Or sit in the dark all the time or would just rather be by myself. Im no doctor but it sounds legit to me. Just one more thing to add to my shit-list. Im gonna go take a shower and get dressed. Im actually going to another football game tonight. Im really going to see friends, screw the school and the team. The school didnt care about me this time last year so why should I? Anyway, enough of my bitching. Shower I go...

[EDIT Sunday 09 October 2004 - 17:09]
So I went to the game last night. Some things went on that were stupid but I dont care. I had fun but I always have fun with Karissa and Lindsay. They're so chipper and happy and it just rubs onto me and then POOF!... Im in a good mood. Weird but it happens. Wednesday after work, I went to Best Buy to exchange my PS2 because it was making a lot of funny noises. It sounded like the gears that move the eye were having trouble and also it would have trouble reading discs. So it was more then likely the eye. I guess it's worn out from all those times that I left the thing on for 3 days at a time, not good. So anyway, the person that took my exchange was the same person that sold it to me almost a year ago... James's girlfriend Lauren. It was quite funny. Well she got me all set up and then told me that I didnt bring in the controller. DUH! I totally forgot to bring it. But she said dont worry about so I just basically got a free controller. The PS2s now cost somewhere around $140 and I bought mine for somewhere around $171, so I got $32.10 of store credit. How awesome is that. Good thing I bought that $27 2-year insurance policy on the PS2 when I had the chance. It sure did come in handy. I then went over to FYE in the mall and bought Green Day - American Idiot and Autopilot Off - Make A Sound. Both VERY good albums, especially Green Day. They're deffinately born hard again. That cd will surely be in the player of my truck for a while.
I need to get back into playing my euphonium. Im so rusty that it's not even funny. Seriously....it's not funny. Ive got auditions next month for Phantom Regiment and I need to be in tip-top shape or else Im dead meat. My instructor is no longer able to teach me since this is his last year in college. Im so upset about that but shit happens. I need to find someone really good that can replace him but I doubt anyone will show up. And no trombone instructors plz k thxs. They know nothing about being a euphoniumist. I need someone who actually plays euphonium or possibly tuba. Speaking of music, Ive been thinking more about what I want to do in life. Music will always be #2 behind military for a career, but lately Ive been thinking of what it will take for me to get to that point of being a professional musician. It's not really a change of heart but more of an indepth look at things. I seem to be only good at two things, music and being an asshole. I dont even see how I can be considered "good" at playing. I have SOOOOO much to work on with my playing that it's almost overwhelming. Bleh....

Just got a letter in the mail, it's from Mr. Bodiford (corps director for Spirit). Says stuff about it seems like the other day, blah blah blah....and oh look, the Semi-Finalist patch. Great, after all my patches were put on. I dont even think I have room for it, bleh.

Well Im waiting for Steve to call me so I can go over but I think Im done here....

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So uh, go fuck yourself? [01 Oct 2004|10:11am]
[ mood | chipper ]

Steve and I have created our own communities on here, not_shitty (Steve) and valrico_kidz (me). SO SEND IN YOUR REQUEST TO JOIN! Thanky :)

So I was on AIM last night when some whacked out chick IMs me out of nowhere. I dont even know this chick and she talks to me like Im her best friend. Well she obviously didnt know me but no joke, every 5 seconds she would ask me the same fucking question when it got quiet..."sup?" I'll tell you wassup, my middle finger. This girl was out of her mind. Karissa knows who Im talking about. I asked where she got my sn from and she says "I dunno somewhere I cant remember". Well your memory better get on the stick before I block your ass. Not only that, she was from Chicago. Pfft...fuck that. I got enough weirdos talking to me, BLOCK. So that was exciting and lasted about 10 minutes.
I went to Durant this morning to "return my algebra book". I actually went to go see Ms. Bryan who the book belonged to but I wasnt allowed to go see her unless the teachers schedule it ahead of time. So before I left student affairs, guess who I saw.....no not him, but her. Mrs. Bowden, the all mighty bitch who helped get me expelled and called me an "ungrateful child who has a very bad potty mouth." Her eyes looked like knives when she saw me and I bet she was about ready to scream for help. Probably thought I was going to....no wait, I wont say it. Some asshole on here might turn me in for even mentioning the thought. So I left that shindig and guess who else I saw in the main office (yes it was him this time). Mr. DuBay himself. So I walked in and put my arm around him while he talked to some lady at one of the desks. After about 3 mins he finally turned, looked at me, and said "Hey." Then walked away. Wow....what a bastard. All I get is a "hey"? Fine, fuck you too buddy. See if I come help out the band you peice of shit. Anyhoo...
I have a job interview at 4 today to go stock at this vending machine warehouse. Hopefully I make it to the football game in time. Sorry if I dont =\ I wont miss the whole thing, probably like an hour or maybe half an hour but we'll see.
Gonna do some old skool hanging out with Steve tonight. Pick up some 2 liters and some candy, rent a game from Blockbuster, stay up all night then go bowling either Saturday or Sunday. Maybe both, cant wait.
Aight well Im out bitches.

By the way, that fight on Jon's LJ was fucking hilarious. Wish that punk stuck around some more instead of pussing out.
"Sing it again rookie biotch"

</3 is she mad at me?

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Interesting... [01 Oct 2004|10:07am]
[ mood | hopeful ]


Are you an Evil Genius?
Name:
Age:
Favorite Decade:
Favorite Beatle:
Favorite Dictator:
Your Evil-Meter reads: - 94%
Will you rule the world: Yes
This QuickKwiz by Reaper - Taken 11293 Times.
</a>
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

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Damn you hurricanes... [29 Sep 2004|11:30am]
[ mood | crazy ]

Im tired of hurricanes. How many have we had now, 34? Bleh, well this was the 2nd time I spent the day at Steve's while a hurricane hit. In fact, Jameson, Middlebrooks, and Nate were over and we had a little party/sleep-over and rocked out in Nancy's room for hours on end. It was a blast but too bad we didnt get to go bowling on the $1 a game night @Family Bowl. That made me sad :(
So since my house didnt have power for like 2 1/2 days, I stayed at Steve's cuz, well....he had power. I spent about 2 days straight at his house and went home for like 30 mins to take a cold shower in complete darkness. I had to use my cellphone light to guide the way. Then went to Lindsay's and hung out with her, Karissa, Christina and Gene for a long time. Then went back to Steve's at like 3am and slept there till about 5pm or so and went back home. I was about 3 mins from home when my mom called me to tell me we had just got power back, haha. It was such perfect timing. Then last night I went back to Linday and Karissa's house and watched my '03 finals dvds for a lil bit while Christina was passed out on the bed, such a goober.
Im trying to find my old ass acoustic that I had lying around. Im gonna go have some new strings put on it so I can play and fiddle around with it. Maybe I can show Jameson up next time I see him, ha!
So on the 2nd day at Steve's we went to the Figlewski's to help them with there belated fallen tree. I got a few pics of this monster with my cell and so far sent one to my email but it looks like crap (figures, what do you expect with a camera phone?). So we spent like 7-8 hours cutting that bitch up. Me and Steve were dead tired but Miss Vicky bought us a crap load of pizza so we just pigged out on that afterwards. It was the best reward ever after a hard days work.
Im trying to update my artwork but Ive been a lil busy with all this school work and shit. I have a really nice idea but I cant say what it'll be about so you'll just have to see :-D




I <3 that one person, oh you know who....


EDIT: I forgot to mention, I will be soon setting up a server to where you guys can listen in on what Im listening to (music wise). So if you dont have Winamp then go get it here

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JHjhe qkJH olkjnek alu u erklir uev e rfoiuewy [16 Sep 2004|12:51pm]
That's Ryan for I dont know what to put for a subject.

Im tired as crap....I havent gone to bed in almost 2 days and Im 5 seconds from passing out. Im spending 1 more minute on this and Im going to sleep.
Danielle, I sent your letter in the mail this morning. Hopefully this time the postal service wont loose it!......the bastards. I also sent in my Phantom Regiment audition form, yay! Cant wait to get my ass kicked by those marching euphs. Maybe I should start practicing by holding up my marching euph? Gee, what a concept.

I will update this hunk of junk laterz. Right now I need sleep.
(This was mostly updated for Danielle) lol =P

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Hahaha [08 Sep 2004|09:41pm]
....yea I deleted my music list. Sorry =)

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Blah [06 Sep 2004|01:44am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Well after not having power for 39 hours, I am back. I must say it sucked. Danielle called me though! I missed talking to her, hell....I just plain miss her =(
My mom backed her car up and smashed into the driver side door on my truck. It looks awful. She's such a tard sometimes. And then she tries to blame it on me saying that I parked wrong, pfft. Yea....right.

So, Im tired and I dont really have much to say besides that hurricanes suck.

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Hurricane Party #2 [04 Sep 2004|06:13pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

So Im at Steve-O's having a blast. We went bowling last night from 10pm till 1:30am and bowled 22 games for $10. It was awesome. I love that place. Anyhoo, I miss talking to Danielle even though she called me last night! =D And then my phone died after like 10 mins so that was shitty. Well Imma go have more wild animal sex with Steve and get ready to watch hurricane Frances hit us.

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Why... [03 Sep 2004|03:37am]
Im so hurt right now. Ive tried typing so many things within the past 2 hours in this thing and nothing is just coming out right. I just read some disturbing things in some other journals that makes me want to hide forever. Why cant I just be happy?? Im sorry if Im not all you wished for, Im sorry I dont dress the way you want me to, Im sorry I dont say all the right things, Im sorry for trying to lend a hand when you were in need, Im sorry for being me, Im sorry for living. Damn it why do I have to be such a fucking loser sometimes?! Im tired of this. I want to get away and just be my dream. I want to be the best I can be but I never will.

Erm, Steve's awake now. He's sleeping over so Imma get back to him. He understands me unlike the world and many others....I know that there is 1 other person who I will open to but she isnt here. Fuck everyone.

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[01 Sep 2004|04:59pm]
This song sometimes makes me wanna just die. It reminds me so much of who I used to be and there have been times where I just wanted to break down and cry after hearing this. Im such a loser. =(

Linkin Park - Breaking the Habit
[Memories concern // Like opening the wound // I'm picking me apart again]
[You all assume // I'm safer in my room // Unless I try to start again]

[I don't want to be the one // Who battles always choose]
[Cuz inside I realize // That I'm the one confused]

[I don't know what's worth fighting for // Or why I have to scream]
[I don't know why I instigate // And say what I don't mean]
[I don't know how I got this way // I know it's not alright]
[So I'm breaking the habit // I'm breaking the habit tonight]

[Cultured my cure // I tightly lock the door // I try to catch my breath again]
[I hurt much more // Than anytime before // I have no options left again]

[I dont want to be the one // Who battles always choose]
[Cuz inside I realize // That I'm the one confused]

[I don't know what's worth fighting for // Or why I have to scream]
[I don't know why I instigate // And say what I don't mean]
[I don't know how I got this way // I'll never be alright]
[So, I'm breaking the habit // I'm breaking the habit tonight]

[I'll paint it on the walls]
[Cuz I'm the one that falls]
[I'll never fight again]
[And this is how it ends]

[I don't know what's worth fighting for // Or why I have to scream]
[But now I have some clarity // to show you what I mean]
[I don't know how I got this way // I'll never be alright]
[So, I'm breaking the habit // I'm breaking the habit]
[I’m breaking the habit tonight]

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Blah [01 Sep 2004|02:40pm]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

Well, Ive been sick for the past few days, throwing up and stuff. My mom had the same thing so she must have passed on that stomach flu she had to me. Ive had a hard time trying to keep food down but I think Im past that now. I feel alot better. Hm....that's all for now.

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AhaHAhaHaHAhaHa!! [30 Aug 2004|04:26am]
Omfg, check out this cracked out mother fucker > sxe_hottie69xxx
I swear I have never laughed so fucking hard in my life. I hope that's a joke cuz she is TOTALLY fucked up. I have met some dumbass pepple in my life but that girl takes the cake. She fucking added me and I dont even know the bitch. I am so fucking shocked, some one pinch me. This bitch has totally lost her mind. Have you read it? Geezus what a fucking nutcase. Im in absolute fucking shock, I still dont believe it.

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Fun night [30 Aug 2004|02:59am]
[ mood | pleased ]

So me and Steve-O bowled 10 fucking games tonight. It was so badass. $1 for shoes and $1 a game. That place is so awesome so me and Steve have decided to bowl there atleast once a week.

Ugh, right now Ive got such a bad headache but I just had too much fun to let it get in my way. And Ive got school tomorrow but we get out at 6pm, 2 hours earlier yay!

Wow, I dunno what else to write about so I'll just shut up now.

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Splarf [28 Aug 2004|04:35pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I am Danielle's #1 effin fan!

Im tired as shit. THE END.



<3 Danielle

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I changed my mind [25 Aug 2004|04:12am]
My journal is no longer public. Tough shit. Go rub some Vagasil on it.

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The anonymous post [23 Aug 2004|01:05am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

So whoever the fuck just posted that statement of bullshit has really pushed my buttons. Let me try and remember what it said, it went something like:
It's nice to see you love someone but mess around with other people
You will fuck up some day
God is watching you asshole

....what in the hell is that suppost to mean? Who do I love and who is it that Im messing around with? NO ONE. You obviously dont live near me nor do you know me. Next time leave your name you fucking prick.

Oh, and if you're talking about my "<3 Danielle", it's an expression. It doesnt exactly mean what you think it does. So thanks for assuming, asshole.

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Ah, hello computer [22 Aug 2004|04:43pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Wow, first time Ive been on my comp in a day. Isnt that just fucking amazing?! My ass is normally glued to this chair. But then again, I have nothing to do cuz everyone else is too busy for me so I wont bother with them, besides Steve. So, Matt Cooper is going into surgery tomorrow for the herniated disc in his back. We're currently on the phone and he told me he cant even stand up for more then 15 minutes without being in excruciating pain. And now that he has to hunch over like an old man, it has thrown his hips out of alignment. So he's all fucked up. Hope this surgery really changes his life, he's so great. I wish me and him had more time to hang out but I know he has alot on his hands with his mom and dad, work and school. His parents are getting old and at one point they thought his dad was going to die cuz he was so sick. His dad has diabetes and his mom had to quit her job for a while to take care of his dad and his grandma who ended up passing away not long ago. So, I hope everything works out for him.

Well, Im getting ready to go to Steve's for a big bowling party, yay! And Im going to kick everyone's ass. lol Yea...that's right. I SAID IT! Anyhoo... Im gonna go take a shower. I'll update again when I get home.

<3 Danielle, teehee!

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